By J Matthew Pozzini
Now that I’m getting older I’m working on changing up my style a bit. Typically, in the summer, I’m the kind of person who wears random novelty t-shirts that one can buy at JCPenney or Wal-mart: Nirvana, Nintendo, I Love New York, Batman, Pikachu, etc. You get the drill.
Those shirts are fine with which to snuggle in bed with your beautiful Asian girlfriend(s), but not for partying in the summer sun, hiking, mountain climbing, and canoeing with the other elites.
Then I asked myself, what do elite men of status wear in the summer? What does Leonardo DiCaprio as Jordan Belfort wear when he’s banging hot blondes on his yacht? I don’t see 40-year old-rich-men in the summer wearing Star Wars shirts. Unlike their choice for the fall and winter, they can’t be wearing long-sleeved collared business shirts with ties as it’d be too hot. After spending some time in the fashion community, I realized the answer was golf shirts.
Golf shirts, commonly called Polos, are the summer staple for us men of high social status. Preferably slim/trim fit that shows off one’s physique – stay away from anything “classic” or “traditional” fit.
These come in two formats both of which have their place: the cotton material which is more dressy, for occasions like sipping a cold Natty Light at an outdoor Johnny Cash cover band concert when you’d normally wear a button-up collared shirt but it’s just too hot; but also the 100% polyester “dri-proof” material which has odor control, and is great for boating and hanging out by the pool, sipping your margarita, admiring the beautiful view, thinking about how great life is before it sinks in that it’s only great temporarily.
Great brands include: Original Penguin. Under Armour, Vinyard Vines, and Peter Millar.
Vineyard Vines is geared toward the boating crowd. You may find decorations of fishing poles, boats, and pictures of lakefronts at their stores including selling swimwear.
Under Armour has its own outlet stores, but also Bass Pro Shop carries them. They focus on fitness and sell a lot of active wear for the gym.
Peter Millar seems to be for the old folks. I have yet to find one in a slim fit. I think they only make them in a basic traditional fit, but I could be wrong. We’ll see.
Original Penguin is my favorite of the aforementioned four. They’re geared for the preppy yuppies. Not associated with a summer theme, they are geared toward adventurous urban life. I personally like the designs, and I love the way their Heritage Slim Fit hugs my torso, making my waist appear smaller and shoulders appear broader.
Brands adults should stay away from:
Hollister: Has anyone ever been inside of a Hollister store? I actually love them. It smells like cologne. It has a night club feel. Alternative music plays through the speakers. They like to save on electric bill by keeping the store dim and dark. They do have great clothes, though. However, if over 30 people walk in there, people will think you’re a pedophile. It’s even embarrassing purchasing something from the cashiers who are 16 years old. You can’t help but to think they’re thinking, “what is this creepy dude doing in here?” I still have my slim fit professionally-damaged jeans from there I can still can get away with wearing, however, I had to abandon my Hollister shirts as they employ the Hollister bird logo.
Abercrombie and Fitch: Same as above, with less interesting stores and slightly brighter lights.
American Eagle: Does this store even exist? I don’t know. In high school, there were two kinds of people: Those who shopped at Hot Topic and those who shopped at American Eagle. Both smoked weed, stole cars, did hard drugs: the “American Eagle” teens hid this behavior from adults based upon their choice of style: “oh, he’s such a precious boy! Look how clean-cut and preppy he is. I’m so glad you didn’t fall into the dark side like that loser in eyeliner and a trench coat.” But the “Hot Topic” teen tended to be accused of bad behavior he or she even started.
Aeropostale: Same as above, with less a cult following. They tried so hard to reach American Eagle’s status of cultish snobbery but ultimately failed. But I’m still keeping my Aeropostale boxers. They’re made from high quality fabric and in great condition. I’m not crazy.
To conclude, Golf shirts are wear it’s at. See what I did there? #Punny
Now look at this beauty: